How to Online Date Like a Pro
Written by Ronald Bao
So you get matched with someone you really like, and get a greeting message. Everything is great, but now what? How do you respond? What do you respond with? Let’s be real, starting a conversation with people you are not familiar with could be very intimidating, and keeping the conversation alive could be even harder. However, using the following strategies could really ease the anxiety and make your conversations last as long as you want.
Offer verbal cues
An important thing that many people don’t do is give verbal cues. No one wants to be talking to a wall. When starting your conversation, let them know that you are actively listening. Don’t send the other person flat responses like “okay”, “haha”, “lol”, etc. in your conversations. Instead, express genuine interest about what they’re telling you. People can sense even through text whether or not someone is interested in them. Keep the conversation going by digging deeper with your questions. Examples would be: “what happened after that?”, “wow, how did that make you feel?”, “can you tell me more about (blank)?”, etc. Let them know that you are following along and want to know more.
Tailor your messages based on the person you are talking to
This is probably the most important tip on the list. If you’re guilty of committing the old ‘copy+paste’ for all your opening lines, you need to step it up. Don’t always start with the same line for every person you talk to. Using “Hi, how’s it going” for everyone you match with will not return you many responses (as you may know from personal experience 😉). The most successful conversation starters are ones that highlight something interesting in the other person’s profile. It could be about their favourite hobbies, books they enjoy, sports they excel in and anything they put on their profiles that make them unique. Khalid Khan and Sameer Chaudhry (from Barts and the London School of Medicine) note in their 2015 online dating study published in Evidence-Based Medicine that “people always almost see themselves as unique”. Lean into that and pick out the most unique thing you can find about that person and start there.
Control your pace
It is not uncommon for people to spam texts when they meet people that they connect to. However it is crucial to keep in mind that if you are the only person messaging, the conversation probably won’t last. Mirror the length of your messages to the person you are talking to, give them a chance to ask questions too, make the conversation a back and forth dialogue. Don’t be the person that overwhelms the other person with follow ups.
Know when and how to take things offline
Even if you enjoy online messaging, always aim to take your virtual relationships offline. At the end of day, most people on dating sites aren't looking for chat buddies. Knowing when to make your move is important. There are three guidelines that you should follow and when all three are met, it’s the right time. The first checkpoint is that the other person is actively contributing to your conversations, if they seem interested in you and often start new topics to talk about then you are off to a good start. The second checkpoint is that the other person is showing enthusiasm, if they use emojis, exclamation marks, etc., it means they want you to know they’re enjoying the conversation. The third and final checkpoint is that the other person is not hesitant to share their story. If the other person’s replies don’t seem guarded and they are open to revealing things about themselves, then chances are, they feel a connection and want you to know them on a deeper level. If you pass all three checkpoints, then it is a good time for you to ask them out.
Believing in yourself is the key to success, don’t be the person that says something like “I know you probably won’t agree, but I am going to ask anyway”. Be confident in yourself.
Dating during COVID-19
While it is a lonely time for many of us and online daters are eager to meet in person, please use your best judgement and follow prescribed safety protocols. Other alternatives for meeting in person can be:
Phone calls
Video calls/Zoom calls
Playing a video game together
Don’t risk your health or the health of your date. Try to post-pone physical dates until your local government has relaxed COVID-19 restrictions! Then, ask your date what their favourite coffee shop, cafe, or restaurant is!
All in all, be kind, be funny, be respectful. At the end of the day people are attracted to a good person. Be yourself, be confident, and use the tips and tricks here today and you will become the next star in the online dating world.
All universities blind dating event
If swiping is getting boring and leading to nothing, try this. There's a university blind dating event happening soon that'll give students a chance to mix and mingle with other students across Ontario. U of T, Queen's, Western, McMaster, Waterloo, York, Ryerson, U of Ottawa, Carleton, Brock, Guelph, etc., are all invited!
Apply with your student email so we know you're actually a student!
